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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26543641">Wanna Be Missed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightmesss/pseuds/starlightmesss'>starlightmesss</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Melancholic Omens [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Comfort, Demon Aziraphale (Good Omens), Fluff, Gabriel is a dick, M/M, Threats, reverse au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:20:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,710</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26543641</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightmesss/pseuds/starlightmesss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A century has passed<br/>and a risky decision is made</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Melancholic Omens [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1568305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wanna Be Missed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title from the song "Wanna Be Missed" by Hayley Kiyoko</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>LONDON. 1911.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It had been a century since Raphael and Zira had last seen each other. 99 years, to be precise.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raphael missed him like crazy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The memory of what had happened was very clear in his mind, he remembered every word both of them had said, remembered Zira’s expression, he remembered rushing back to his apartment, the floor on top of his flower shop, lying on his bed and crying for at least a couple of days. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A little, selfish part of him, hoped the demon had felt the same amount of hurt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not the same kind, though. Raphael felt guilt and regret. Mostly regret. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not about their relationship, mind you, he was simply already feeling like what he had just done wasn’t the right thing anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he had shaken his head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, there was no other way, Zira wouldn’t be safe.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He had to repeat this to himself many times during those years.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A few days after they had last seen each other, while he was taking care of the plants in his shop, he had suddenly heard a flapping of wings. He had almost hoped it was Zira, but he knew very well who was paying him a visit. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Gabriel,” he had greeted him, after a quick glance behind him to confirm his supposition. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Raphael, how is life here on Earth?” he had smiled his fake smile, the one Raphael would have very gladly punched off his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You know perfectly how it’s been, it’s why you’re here, isn’t it?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then it had been the redhead’s turn to smile his fake smile. His Gabriel-leave-me-alone smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had turned around to face him and had lied, just to keep up the appearances. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was how you had to deal with them, pretending you’re doing great even though you both know it’s not true. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One of the many reasons why he had started disliking Heaven after the War. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All this fear of being considered the Bad Guys, all this urge to prove to be Better Than Everyone Else even when it’s clear it’s not true, it was sickening to Raphael.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“All right, I can’t complain. What brings you here?” he had spoken while minding his plants. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just to make sure everything was fine. There are some rumors going around,”  he had trailed off, and Raphael was sure he knew it wasn’t just rumors. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It seems like someone is convinced you’ve been.... </span>
  <em>
    <span>fraternizing </span>
  </em>
  <span>with a demon. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>it can’t be true, but, you know how it is, we have to check things like this. We wouldn’t want these </span>
  <em>
    <span>voices </span>
  </em>
  <span>to spread further.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lie, lie, lie.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At that point, Raphael had widened his fake smile, and had worn an innocent expression. “Of course. Well, there is no fraternizing to worry about, Gabriel.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then it happened. Gabriel lowered his voice and his smile vanished a little, just enough for the threat to be understood. “Then it better stay this way, right? It may be too much of a big deal to hurt an Archangel, but a demon? It’s what we’re supposed to do.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There had been a beat of silence after those words, with Raphael staring at the plant in front of him, feeling the other archangel’s purple eyes on him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then Gabriel resumed his fake composure. “Of course, this isn’t the case.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, of course.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>One last fake smile and he’ll be gone, just a couple of seconds more.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good! We’ll keep in touch more, then.” And with that he had gone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The thought of not only Hell, but also Heaven now threatening to hurt Zira had been enough to make Raphael control himself and not run to his demon again for almost a century. Technically, he wasn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>demon anymore, anyway.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He had managed to stay away for 99 years. Then something happened.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Something small, really. Raphael was tidying up his apartment, moving around things and throwing away others, when his eyes landed on something. A book.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He frowned. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t remember buying that one</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought, as he walked towards his bookshelf to take a better look at it. When he picked it up, realization hit him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was the one he had taken from Zira’s shop a century earlier, when he had seen the demon for the last time. He had intended returning it, but then he never did, too scared that if he were to see him again, he’d never have the strength to leave again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Holding the book, he thought about Zira, but not about that day, about the days right before instead, when they had had a glimpse of what their life could have been like if it hadn’t been for Heaven and Hell. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then about all the time before that, all the times they had met during the thousands of years they had known each other. About that night in Greece under the stars, about the necklaces they had given each other in York, about many other meetings through time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Speaking of the necklaces, he was still wearing his. He had put it on in 1614 and he had never taken it off. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He looked at the book in his hands. It was an excuse to go see him, talk to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wondered if the demon looked different. If he was still wearing his necklace. If he missed him as much as he did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had a chance, a possibility, right there in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He thought about Heaven and Hell. Then about how much he missed Zira’s smile, the one he reserved for him, and a wave of panic washed through him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What if he doesn’t have it anymore? Or, </span>
  </em>
  <span>even worse,</span>
  <em>
    <span> what if it’s reserved for someone else? It’s been a century, after all.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He decided he was selfish enough to be willing to take the risk. Zira was too, he had told him that day, and he needed to know if he still felt the same even after so much time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They didn’t need anything more than platonic, as much as Raphael wished they could have it. That was</span>
  <em>
    <span> too much</span>
  </em>
  <span> risk. All the archangel wanted in that moment was to see the demon again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He took his jacket, and rushed out of the building.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raphael didn’t even think of what he was going to say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He realized that the moment he walked into the shop. It was quiet, but it was also early in the morning and he supposed the demon had just opened it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He heard footsteps approaching, the sound drowned in his ears by his own heartbeat, and a second later he was there, in front of him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It took the demon another second to look away from his book, and the archangel was relieved to notice he hadn’t changed much, really. His clothes were just a little different, to adapt to the early 20th century, but everything else was the same as always. Raphael even spotted a little red necklace, demon shaped, and almost sighed in relief. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zira looked up and locked eyes with him and everything was right again in Raphael’s universe. The demon didn’t seem to be any close to making a move, looking as if there was a ghost in front of him, instead of an archangel, so Raphael waved awkwardly with the hand holding the book.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zira blinked, as if he had just woken up from a dream. He cleared his throat and whispered an “hello” back to him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He took off his sunglasses. “I, uh… realized I never gave you back your book.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, right, uh, thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>None of them moved. He realized he had missed his voice, too.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” Raphael broke the silence, “how’s life been?” He hated how things were between them, and that just made him want to fix it even more.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, well…” the demon trailed off, looking at the floor. Then he took a deep breath and did something Raphael wasn’t expecting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked back up to him and he was smirking, his usual smirk, the one the archangel had seen so many times and missed so much.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Awfully boring, to be honest,” the demon said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raphael smiled, then let out a chuckle and almost started laughing out of relief. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, yes, likewise.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He almost cried happy tears.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zira made a couple of steps and was right in front of him, taking the book from his hands, and brushing his fingers while doing so. It felt like electricity running through his veins.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They exchanged a look, a fond one, one of two people who have finally found each other again after so long. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zira looked at him attentively, then down at the book. “You know what? You can keep it, I had a new copy already anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, right.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raphael didn’t stop looking at him for a second. Then he said, “we should talk.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We should, yes. Breakfast?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Very gladly.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>God, I’ve missed him</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the only thought running in Raphael’s brain.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let me grab a jacket then,” the demon said, turning around to walk towards the coat hanger.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Zira?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” he looked back at him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed you, too.” Zira smiled, a soft smile, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>soft smile. Raphael’s soft smile. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you, thank you, thank you.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Let’s go now, my dear.” The demon walked past him and held the door open for him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was one thing Raphael wanted to tell him, though, most of everything else, but couldn’t tell him now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>--</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>--</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I understand, dear, I just- I don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Zira, if there’s something I’ve learned in these years is that I need you in my life.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A sigh. “Yes, me too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, hey dear, I know why you did it. I’m not mad. I mean, I was. A lot. But then I was mostly just sad because you weren’t there.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>sorry. For disappearing like that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know dear, me too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What for?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not coming to look for you. And not listening to your worries. I guess I was just too scared to lose you. And I almost did. I don’t want that to happen ever again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So what do you say?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A smile. “I say that I’m glad to have my best friend back.”</span>
</p>
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